From: Jordan Bochanis <jordan_bochanis@brzoom.com>
Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 06:29:07
To: Tim Manners <editor@reveries.com>
Subject: America's Favorite Columnist
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There’s no marketing claim as shallow and ubiquitous as "America’s Favorite." America’s favorite car. America’s favorite place to shop. America’s favorite sausage. It's a sad, long list.
So as baseball reveals that it is a business in serious decline, I'm thinking that maybe its first mistake was calling itself "America’s Favorite Pastime." But since I'm also a huge fan of the game, I thought I'd use the mighty forum that this column provides me to help get baseball back on its cleats again.
Let’s start by dumping baseball’s commissioner, Bud Selig, the worst chief marketing officer in sports and a symbol of a much larger issue plaguing baseball -- the fact that the sport has surrounded itself with geeks!
While basketball is surrounded by charismatic personalities like Jack Nicholson and Spike Lee, baseball has proponents who do more harm to the image of the brand every time they open their mouths. Eggheads like George Will and Bob Costas blathering on endlessly about "the beauty of the game" can only help to perpetuate the misconception that baseball is boring.
I mean, would baseball's target rather hang out in downtown L.A. with Jack at the Staples Center on a Friday night or sit between George and Bob with their little scorebooks on their laps for three hours at a baseball stadium in a ravine? Right.
Even the fans we get to see in the media are people we'd rather not spend nine innings with. There's a guy who owns a health food store in San Francisco who is suing a computer programmer over possession of Barry Bonds' 73rd home run ball. I'm sure that in hockey, if the puck flew into the crowd and one fan took it away from another, there would be no whining in the media or burdening of our judicial system. The guy with the puck would be gloating loudly and the guy without the puck would be bleeding. At home. Quietly.
How do we help save a dying sport with bad real estate? Simple, by turning to America’s real favorite pastime. Gambling!
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But how do we help save a dying sport with bad real estate? Simple, by turning to America’s real favorite pastime. Gambling!
Extend the warning track in the outfield all around the field and turn it into a horse track (trotters, thoroughbreds, it doesn’t matter). Use the giant high-tech scoreboards for something a little more engaging than music trivia---how about Keno numbers?
Let fans place bets on every aspect of the game -- pitches, foul tips, errors. Get fans watching on TV involved in the game, too. That obnoxious guy behind home plate on the telephone? He’s now calling viewers at home to ask them which team's hat he’s wearing, and if they know the answer, they’ll win cash prizes!
Finally, let's replace the part of the game that reminds consumers just how long and uncomfortable coming out to a game can be --"the 7th inning stretch." Instead, let's have a chance to win a seven-figure payout -- "Baseball’s 7th Inning Powerball Number!"
I can hardly wait for opening day when the first pitch of the season gets thrown out by baseball’s new commissioner -- Pete Rose.
Play Ball! (let’s trademark that).
Jordan Bochanis is Concept Director of Bochanis, Rogan, Zoom, a marketing services agency with offices in Connecticut and Louisiana. He may be reached via email at jordan_bochanis@brzoom.com
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